From Fille to Femme’s First Introduction 🩷

“So, tell me about yourself…” people love to ask. In the past, when asked this I’d think to myself, “where do I even begin?” The younger version of me would freeze and forget even the smallest details about myself. Thankfully with time, I learned the importance of self-discovery and remaining confident with who I am. Now, in my late 20s I can define myself securely & unapologetically. You’re probably wondering, how did she get to this point? Well, I can tell you it absolutely began with me falling in love with my own solitude for some time by getting deep into the most curious, old painful depths of my subconscious. I had to ask myself many sensitive questions, unlearn, and release all unhealthy and unnecessary defense mechanisms. Of course, my body and mind were trying to keep me safe at that time, but in reality I was silently suffering. I healed by continuously feeding the urge to seek truth, knowledge, wisdom, and clarity from experienced, trustworthy sources that were bestowed upon me. Although I do not and will not ever know everything, I will never stop learning, encouraging, and teaching to encourage others to become the highest version of themselves.

Education was a vital piece of life that was instilled in me from a very young age as a fille, (a girl) or “belle fille-fille” (beautiful girl/daughter), as my father would say. This is a term of endearment he uses for me still to this day. Now as a woman (femme) I have adopted new beliefs on what education is. I grew up hearing about the importance of education and gaining success in life from my traditional and passionate Haitian father pretty much every single morning on the way to school. Every. Single. Morning. No exaggeration. Yet, as a little girl my father did not take the time to explain to me how exhausting growing into the teen and adult years would be. He only scratched the surface level in his lectures (or what he would probably call motivational speeches) but, in hindsight, I am very appreciative of those special one on one father-daughter moments. Still, little did I know how heavy all of the first-generation pressure/immigrant-parent expectations would feel on my shoulders, heart, and vulnerable mind. The type of “motivational speeches” given were not totally conducive to what I would later experience years down the line, but I don’t fault him. None of us were prepared…

If you’re reading this as a first-gen or second generation daughter of immigrants (no matter the country of origin) I’m sure you can understand! Alas, my father was simply showing his love and care in the way he knew how. He tried. On the other hand, he went above and beyond in other areas using his strong suits. We all have strengths and weaknesses. As an adult, I can now try to put myself in his shoes when he was a 26 year old immigrant moving to a foreign country pretty much alone and to later on be expected to raise a family for the first time ever. Just even going from a young boy to a grown man… that was also brand new for him. Like us all, he was new to the world too. All of our parents were young and clueless once (immigrant or not). Although that area of parenting was not his strong suit, he did a wonderful job raising me. He did his best and in this life that’s all we can do; simply try our best. I’ll always respect and love him for this, infinitely. He clearly played a significant part in me becoming the strong and resilient woman I am today. His bright and early morning car ride motivational speeches I had to listen to at the ripe age of 5 years old worked!

As for my mother, whom I could write a whole novel about, always says to me, “I can’t live your life for you.” I’ll never forget the first time she said this to me. It provided a beautiful relief that I was constantly searching for! It was a message from above really. It made me commit to taking the leap of faith to complete freedom. Hearing her say that to me so lovingly was the last push I needed. The cherry on top truly! It’s all up to me and always has been. I am smart enough and strong enough for decision making…always have been. It just took Divine timing to sweetly solidify within me. I know myself now. I trust myself now. I am capable of deciding what is best for me, shamelessly. Hence why I am sitting here right now creating a blog instead of conforming to a path that was expected of me as a first-gen child. To arrive at this victory line a ton of internal work (along with what felt like rivers of tears) needed to be done, but alas, we’re here. Nou la!!!—as a true Haitian would say!

What I’m trying to say is, I had to wake up and choose to live MY life. Constantly striving for perfection in order to avoid disappointing anyone (*eye roll*) and waiting for approval in any and everything are what lead me to live with debilitating anxiety in secret for years. I was petrified of making mistakes; too terrified to live life. Something had to give. I eventually crashed out and hit my final breaking point. Enough was enough. I needed to take back the driver’s seat to my life. What was the shift you ask? Having the ability to learn and freely seek knowledge is what saved me.

Fast forward, (post-parental, morning car ride motivational speeches) I now decide what type of education is worth receiving. I became brave and fearlessly defined education & success for myself. One of my favorite decisions that I’ve made for myself in 2024 is… this… From Fille to Femme! This platform here. I have decided to share all of the personal, educational, and fun knowledge I’ve gained over the years with young women like you from all over the world. I aspire to build a community of women who share interests in embracing & embodying all things feminine including healthy forms of self-expression, self-care, nourishment of the mind, body, & soul, and simply being a soft & divine vessel of light and power. I want us to evolve together as we discuss fascinating and important topics on the various stages of development in girlhood & womanhood, so stick around!! Thank you for visiting! See you soon (nap wè byento; à bientôt). Love, Caroline J ☺️